By Bill Hardesty | [email protected]

March is named after Mars, the Roman god of war, because March is often in conflict. Beautiful spring days telling us summer is coming and snowy days reminding us that winter isn’t over. 

There’s the old proverb, “If March comes in like a lion, it will go out like a lamb,” or vice versa. The Farmers’ Almanac website says the saying is all about hope.

Of course, March brings St. Patrick’s Day on March 17, where we all claim Irish ancestry. When I was growing up, the best part of St. Patrick’s Day was punishing people for not wearing green (it was the ’60s). Sometimes my mother would forget to dress me in green. My best solution was to roll around on the grass until I had an excellent grass stain. Sure, my mom wasn’t happy, but at least I didn’t get pinched. I can’t remember what girls did because back in those days, girls always wore dresses. In truth, pinching was wrong then as it is today.

By the way, the reason you wear green is that according to tradition, green makes you invisible to leprechauns, and as we all know (not really), leprechauns like to pinch people. It is believed the whole wearing green and pinching is an American idea.

March is the national month for some serious subjects like the Irish American Heritage Month and National Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month, but there are other month subjects that I wonder about.

• National Breast Implant Awareness Month – Are we to be aware the procedure is possible, or are we to be on the lookout?
• National Caffeine Awareness Month – It is nice you only have to be aware.
• National Cheerleading Safety Month – Do more cheerleaders get hurt in March?
• National Celery Month – Since it is also National Peanut Month, maybe you can put them together for a good crunch.
• National Umbrella Month – You would think April, as in April showers, would be the correct month.

March also has national weeks that are serious such as Week of Solidarity with the People Struggling Against Racism and Racial Discrimination (March 21-27) and International Women’s Week (Week of International Women’s Day, which is March 8). However, others not so serious, such as: 

• National Button Week (Third Full Week) – What would we do without them?
• National Procrastination Week (First Two Weeks) – or whenever you get to it.
• National Introverts Week (Third Full Week) – No social events are planned.
• National Words Matter Week (First Full Week) – Wait a minute. I am a writer, so words do matter.

In March, we have many national food days:

• National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day (March 1) – which is a smackin’ good day.
• National Oreo Cookie Day (March 6) – I hope double-stuff is included.
• National Pi Day (March 14) – Get it? 3.14.
• National Melba Toast Day (March 23) – If you like Melba Toast, do you deserve a day?
• National Spinach Day (March 26) – Also known as Popeye Day.
• National Something on a Stick Day (March 28) – Be creative.

There are serious days:

• National Employee Appreciation Day (First Friday in March) – Start dropping hints now.
• National Girl Scout Day (March 12) – Thin Mints or Samoas (now known as Caramel deLites)?
• World Down Syndrome Day (March 21) – Nothing more to say.
• National Equal Pay Day (March 31) – Talk about employee appreciation.

Finally, some exciting days such as:

• National Pig Day (March 1) – Human or animal?
• National I Want to be Happy Day (March 3) – Finally, at least one day.
• National Be Heard Day (March 7) – Listening is a skill not so common.
• National Funeral Director and Mortician Recognition Day (March 11) – Are you dying to say thank you?
• National Napping Day (March 15) – The day after Daylight Saving Time.
• National Weed Appreciation Day (March 28) – Dandelions need love, too.
• National Pencil Day (March 30) – Trust me, there is nothing as good as a sharpened wooden pencil or as bad as a dull pencil.

If you found this amusing or informative, let me know. Maybe I can convince my editor to make it a monthly feature.