With exit doors blowing off, landing gear falling on neighborhoods, wings ripping apart and engine covers shooting into the skies, you’d think airlines would be handing out free puppies and hundred-dollar bills, trying to convince people to support air travel. You’d be wrong.

Instead of lowering ticket prices (in your dreams), dropping baggage fees (you’re bonkers) or making flights more comfortable (ROFL), airlines double down on lazy, expensive service. 

Even when Southwest Airlines (whose motto is “Sit Down and Shut Up”) was fined $140 million for leaving thousands of holiday passengers stranded, the industry knows we will travel. And we’ll pay any price. 

If airlines have open seats, and the flight takes off in a week, instead of offering reduced prices, ticket costs rise. Once, after we purchased airline tickets, we got an alert that prices had jumped $1,000 per ticket. That’s bananas! 

Recently, my husband and I flew Hawaiian Airlines for the first time. With its slogan, “Well, you could just drive to Honolulu,” we didn’t expect great service, and we weren’t disappointed. 

We settled into our six-hour flight with its panic-inducing, claustrophobic seating, only to find movie screens weren’t provided. However, we could download the airline’s app to watch movies on our phones, as long as it was downloaded an hour before boarding. So, as soon as time travel is invented, I can go back, download the app and have access to movies for our flight. 

We left early in the morning and breakfast sandwiches were offered to passengers with normal digestive systems. If your body treats gluten like poison, you get to starve or purchase a box of gluten-free crackers and hummus. I’ve learned to pack snacks because, like the United Airlines motto states, “Suck it up. We’re not your mom.”

As we flew through the skies, we played games like, “Is it turbulence or did we just lose the landing gear?” and “Annoy Fellow Passengers.” I think I won that when I reclined my seat from 90 degrees to 95 degrees. The woman behind me sighed like a passive-aggressive parent who was not mad, just extremely disappointed. 

On the way home from the Big Island of Hawaii, we ended up running through the Honolulu airport because our connecting flight was late. We dashed to our terminal, which is not the best way to end a vacation, especially after eating your weight in kalua pork and fish tacos.

Net profits for the airline industry are set to hit more than $30 billion this year. Even Boeing (“Safety is Our 15th Priority”) knows it can install faulty parts, disregard safety inspections and hunt down whistleblowers because people will always want to fly. 

Boeing stock is dropping faster than its Max 737s but the company doesn’t seem concerned. Even when people bounce off the ceilings due to cockpit issues or have to make an emergency landing in Denver because a passenger is stuck in the bathroom, Boeing knows people will fork over handfuls of cash to travel. 

Passengers expect delays, cancellations and lackadaisical assistance. Any other industry would hire a fancy PR team to encourage people to use its services but the airline industry doesn’t give a flying fig about its image.

Even with its rock-bottom reputation, the airline industry has us over a barrel. With wheels ricocheting off the runway, engines catching fire and toilet waste flooding the cabin, passengers continue to pay increasing costs for the “luxury” of travel. And, like the Delta slogan states, “We Really Don’t Care.”